Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I love having hate sex.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
