I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My cat gives me a boner
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
