Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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