She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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