1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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