also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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