mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
