Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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