So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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