it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
