i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
