Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
