Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
