So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
