maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
