No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
