I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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