I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
