i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
A+ Viking dick
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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