still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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