so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
