Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
