I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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