he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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