You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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