I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
