Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
