I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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