Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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