I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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