Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
