im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You ruined the universe
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
