I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
