Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
