I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My life is pants optional.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
