Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
