I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
