Where did you get a picture of my penis
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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