Non-Jews are for practice
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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