i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
