Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
