I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We need a shit load of segways right now
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
