As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
