I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think my vagina is haunted
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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