i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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