A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i need some magic done to my vagina
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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