Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
