I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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