i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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