You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
