Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
