I'd wear matching sweaters with you
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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