im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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