I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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