Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
