I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
