I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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