I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my mouth tastes like poor choices
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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