I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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