So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
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Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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