I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
