remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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