Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
