I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
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No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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