hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
