So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
