Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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