I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
