Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
