i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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