Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
